How to Assemble and Install Your Brand New Graco Nautilus 3-in-1 Car SeatStep 1 – Turn down your husband’s offer of help because you kept him out until 11 pm bargain hunting (even though he is limping in a boot with a torn Achilles tendon) and you feel guilty for asking him to do one more thing.
Step 2 – Allow your husband to leave the house with the only other correctly assembled and installed carseat.
Step 3 – Get the kids ready for church.
Step 4 – Pull massive car seat out of box and remind yourself that you are a perfectly capable woman who lived by herself for 2 years before you got married and therefore don’t need a man’s help to complete such a simple task.
Step 5 – Open the instruction manual and begin reading.
Step 6 – Check to make sure you got the English Manual and not the Spanish one, because even though the words are in English, you can’t seem to understand what they are asking you to do.
Step 7 – Obtain a degree in Mechanical Engineering and/or Rocket Science in order to understand the assembly instructions.
Step 8 – Resist the urge to call up Graco customer service and cuss them out, reminding yourself that you must get the car seat done so that you can go to church and repent.
Step 9 – Ask yourself why your husband has to work media team this Sunday, which therefore means he can’t leave church to come help you.
Step 10 – Text your husband out of frustration.
Step 11 - Resist the urge to also call up your husband and cuss him out when he texts you back with smiley faces and reminds you that this whole thing was your idea.
Step 12 – Remind yourself that you really have to get this thing done so you can get to church and repent for Step 11.
Step 13 – After 30 minutes of grinding your teeth and mentally cursing out Graco (all the while reminding yourself you must get to church), you rejoice because you have completed assembly.
Step 14 – Receive a call of encouragement from your husband.
Step 15 - Take car seat out into the garage and attempt to install it in the car.
Step 16 – As you attempt to put the car seat in the car, resist the urge to cuss out Dodge because they failed to install car seat anchors in your car.
Step 17 – After 10 minutes, you realize that you have the seat in but can’t tighten the seat belt because of the seat belt locking clip that you have to use because of the lack of car seat anchors in your car.
Step 18 – Resist the urge to cuss out Dodge again.
Step 19 – Give up and ever so humbly call your husband to inform him that you and the kids are not coming to church because you can’t get the stupid car seat installed.
Step 20 – Resist the urge to cuss out Graco again and remind yourself that you can repent at home.
Step 21 – Go out to the car and try installation again.
Step 22 – Resist the urge to cuss out yourself because you still can’t get the seat properly installed.
Step 23 – Put in Veggie Tales for your toddler and hope that missing church won’t permanently turn your child into a heathen.
Step 24 – Vent about it on the blog because for some reason, it just makes you feel better.
Step 25 – Laugh at yourself and realize that God gave you a lesson in humility and you never even had to set foot in church to get it.
:-)